What Is Codependency? Narcissism, Flexibility and The Definition of Modern Codependent Relationships

Friday, January 17, 2014 by Meg   •   Filed under Sexuality/Relationships

 
Our different versions of the term "codependency" can cause a great deal of confusion. One set of behaviors may be pathologically codependent in one couple, and be healthy and normal in another couple who function differently as a unit. This can be hard to understand when we see things primarily through the lens of our own experience, heightening our tendency to see codependency where it might not actually exist. 

But sometimes, it totally exists. And we should know what it looks like....  continue reading

What Causes Codependency? How To Create A Codependent Relationship

Monday, January 13, 2014 by Meg   •   Filed under Sexuality/Relationships

There was a time when individuals within groups had to be dependent on one another for survival. As reciprocal altruism evolved, we developed the drive both to give and to repay debts to even out overages and shortages within groups, thereby ensuring higher rates of survival for all members.This mutual assistance was not a disorder. Relying on others was just what you did to not fucking die. 

But, then and now, there was probably room to get carried away. Pathological altruism is a pattern of nurturing that, instead of helping the giver or the group, has unsuccessful outcomes1

AKA: the "My Bad, It Seemed Like a Good Idea At The Time" response....  continue reading

The Myth of Codependency: Why What You Know About Codependent Relationships Might Be Wrong

Friday, January 10, 2014 by Meg   •   Filed under Sexuality/Relationships

According to most modern definitions, codependency is characterized by people-pleasing behaviors, care-taking tendencies, strong emotional responses to partners--including high sympathy and empathy--a need to be liked and a fear of rejection. But codependency is severely misunderstood, and this may be triggering depression and anxiety in women who incorrectly label themselves as codependent.

It isn't that codependent behaviors don't exist at all. This series will cover the evolution of codependent behaviors, triggers to codependency, modern definitions of codependent relationships and boundaries. However, because I like to go a little against the grain, I have decided to begin with codependency misunderstandings. Not only is it a subtle way to stick it to the man, but it is just as important to understand what codependency isn't as what it is....  continue reading

Things You Can Do Without Thinking: One Way Neuroscience Supports Women's Intuition

Friday, January 03, 2014 by Meg   •   Filed under General

What Are Voluntary Actions?

Most people are familliar with voluntary actions--or things that we do on purpose--as well as the rational decision-making that drives those behaviors.

But, the human animal is able to respond using conscious thought (thoughts that we are aware of) as well as subconscious processes (those that we are unaware of).

What can you do without thinking? Turns out a heck of a lot....  continue reading

How Things Work: Your Limbic System and Anxiety

Friday, December 13, 2013 by Meg   •   Filed under Anxiety

Anxiety responses evolved to be triggered in a number of ways, both physical and psychological. The autonomic nervous system regulates these anxiety responses, regardless of where they came from. But there are a few more systems at play that can help us understand anxiety.

So, what else contributes to anxiety responses besides your mother-in-law?...  continue reading

What Causes A Panic Attack? The Minimalist Guide To A Very Nervous System

Monday, December 09, 2013 by Meg   •   Filed under Anxiety

The Nervous System is aptly named. One of it's main functions is to identify danger and get us to respond to it by making us super uncomfortable with anxiety and other "nervous" symptoms. Those anxious feelings and scary thoughts are the direct result of surges of hormones that are released in response to firing from either the sympathetic or parasympathetic system.

The sympathetic and parasympathetic are big words that describe two systems at work that are supposed to balance each other out. The sympathetic system revs us up in the face of danger while the parasympathetic system calms us down afterwards. Like coffee and Baileys. Or maybe warm milk and chocolate chip cookies. Cocaine and heroin.

Let's check out an illustration. Say you happen to be walking along the shore of a Florida delta feeling pretty chill and happy. Suddenly, out of the depths comes an alligator....  continue reading